i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
