I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
