3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God, I missed his penis.
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