It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
