i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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