You work out of a Hotel?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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