i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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