Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
