Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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