HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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