Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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