I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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