Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
