Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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