Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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