I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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