please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i need some magic done to my vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
