This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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