i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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