Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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