You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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