If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize