I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
