Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
