Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
