And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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