no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
