Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
