oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
