I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
