if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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