I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
