Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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