I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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