Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
