But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
