I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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