just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
