He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
