I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
