I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize