I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
