I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
