I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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