Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
