I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
