I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
