can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
