we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
