I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
