and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
