It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
