in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
