I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
