i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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