Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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