Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
