Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
