did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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