She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
