i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
