everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
