What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Someone signed my nipple.
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