Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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