i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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